Monday, March 15, 2010

Falling in love

When I found out I was pregnant with Nathaniel in mid-May 2009, I instantly loved him because of the anticipation of him. His big brother had paved the way in my heart; my arms anticipated cradling him and my eyes anticipated beholding him.

When he arrived in the world on January 11, 2010, I loved him simply because he was here. Because he existed.

But it is only in the past few weeks that I have begun the amazing and wonderful process of falling in love with Nathaniel. More than loving him because of what he will be or because he is, quite simply, here, I am falling in love with him because of who he is.

I am certain I can trace the start of this process back less than two weeks, to his first smile on March 3, 2010. He was laying on the changing table and very clearly looked right at my face. He took several seconds to open his mouth into a large O and then gave me a wonderful, amazing, gummy smile.

Since then, I've received dozens of smiles, heard many coos and have even stared back at him as he stared at me. Not stared at my direction into a void of haze, but right at me, into my face and my eyes.

A true love affair has begun!

I can say with certainty that I am madly in love with Lucas. My heart swells daily because of him: his hugs, when he whispers, "I love you, Mama", and yes, even when he is his crazy, crazy self. I now recognize that although I did love him instantly as well, my being in love with him has grown over the years as I have gotten to know him even better.

And so, again, Lucas has paved a path for his brother: I am so, so grateful for the start of a second love affair and am so excited to see how it grows and develops (as Nathaniel, himself, grows and develops) throughout the years.

Original post by Smiling Mama. Thanks for reading!


Comments make my day. Thanks!