Friday, April 6, 2012

Susan


This was the last time I saw Susan.

We were at Blogalicious and I saw Susan when she was sitting at the American Cancer Society booth. I was so, so happy to see her and gave her a big -- but very gentle -- hug. She was getting ready to make a small speech to introduce the More Birthdays campaign and cupcakes. And she was nervous, which really surprised me. Susan, the strongest woman I know, nervous about speaking about the very thing she has spoken and written about so many times? I remember being surprised.

She told me she wanted some friends to come sit with her for her speech and the cupcakes. I was sitting in the very back with a table of DC Moms and when I saw her come into the large room, guided up to the very front, I got up immediately and joined her. For a little while it was just the two of us at a big table in the very front of the room. She had these very small pieces of lined, torn out notebook paper and was furiously scribbling and crossing out. Scribbling and crossing out.

And then she said to me, Do you think it will be okay if I include some facts?

Yes.

Do you think they can handle it if I tell them I'm going to die?

If you are strong enough to say it, they had better be strong enough to hear it.

I'm supposed to keep it light.

Susan, say what you need to say. This is a room full of strong women and they can handle it.
 


I'll never forget the low, huge, stunning moon I encountered as I stepped off the Metro the evening Susan died. I had gotten the e-mail as I was standing on the Metro platform to go home. I cried, sobbed the whole ride. (That's one way to assure yourself an entire seat to yourself during rush hour!) And when I came out, there was the moon. It took my breath away. I know that moon meant a lot of things to a lot of different people. To me, it was God's way of welcoming Susan home. Of letting all of us know that she was safe, at peace and cared for.

And tonight is another full moon. Three full moons since the day she died. I don't know if I'll always be able to recall the exact number of full moons there have been, but I do know that with every full moon to come, for the rest of my life, I will look up and think of Susan.

Susan gave us all so many gifts. And she gave us so many comforts. The moon and the stars have extra meaning for me now. And they provide me extra comfort.

I have been unable to write about Susan this whole time. Unable to write about anything, really.

But I cried and laughed and smiled when my son opened his first-ever brand new minifig (we were lucky enough to get tons of Lego hand-me-downs from my cousins and brother) recently. He was hoping hoping hoping it would NOT be a girl.

Not only was it a girl, it was Susan.


And I knew I had to write.
 
Dearest Susan, I love you and miss you. I am so, so grateful to have known you and continue to be so grateful for all that I learned and continue to learn from you. I am comforted to know that you are at peace and that you are still loving and caring for your sweet boys and all whom you loved.
 


Original post by Smiling Mama. Thanks for reading!

11 comments:

  1. It was you who told me Susan wanted us at the table with her for that speech. And I'm so glad you did. I'm so glad I was there.

    I miss her everyday. Thanks for writing this and reminding me of that day.

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is beautiful and so timely on a day and weekend that mean so much to her in terms of faith. I'm so glad you wrote it. (Some of the best stuff takes time...she was so remarkable, her influence will unfold forever.)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I didn't know Susan, but I've loved reading all the different DC Moms posts. I can tell she was truly loved by many. Thanks for posting.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thank you for your post. It brought tears to my eyes because like you, I miss Susan but knowing that she's all around us- when we see the moon, in little MiniFigs- brings comfort. xo

    ReplyDelete
  5. oh, my friend. Beautiful post.

    ReplyDelete
  6. This is a beautiful post. I feel the same way about the moon. Aimee, she always had such wonderful things to say about you. She thought you were fantastic.

    I saw her boys today, all three of them, and they were happy and laughing and wonderful. Susan is still alive in them. It is beautiful to see.

    ReplyDelete
  7. This was a beautiful tribute. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Beautiful post. She touched so many lives.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh Aimee, this was stunning. Every night I look out of my windows to see where the moon is in it's cycle, looking forward to the night when the full moon is there, smiling at me. xo

    ReplyDelete
  10. Susan's birthdaynis coming up on Friday. I have thought about the More Birthdays campaign so much over the past week.

    Thank you for sharing this. Itmwas just what I needed to read today.

    ReplyDelete

Comments make my day. Thanks!