I think one of the main reasons I was hoping for a girl was not really the pretty pink clothes (although: bonus!) but because I just have it in my head that girls must be easier. They play quietly. They sit quietly. They don't have to be moving all the time. They don't pull on you or jump on you or tackle you.
(I'm sure some mothers of girls are laughing hysterically right now.)
The thing is that Lucas is just so crazy and over the top physical. He doesn't sit still. He is all about big movements--jumping, running, tackling his mama. He is loud.
And sometimes it is really, really hard.
Sometimes I just want a child who will play quietly. Who will sit in my lap for more than four pages of a book before he starts wandering around the room or playing with other toys (while still wanting you to read to him, of course). Someone who will walk next to me when we are out without me having to have a death grip on his wrist (yes, wrist; hand-to-hand is much too easy to slip out of).
This weekend was particularly rough. Allergy season has arrived and with it ended our few month respite from Lucas's respiratory problems. We started nebulizer treatments last week and those inhaled steroids make him crazy. More crazy than usual. Sunday I had to run out to the grocery store for one item before dinner. He came with me. I didn't think about the fact that he had just finished a treatment and let him walk with me instead of getting a cart. One item turned into four, but we still zipped through very quickly. After the 10 minutes it took to get through the check-out line, however, it was all I could do to get to the car before breaking down in tears.
Lucas was running around, jumping, bumping the cart in front of us and grabbing everything in sight. When I tried to hold on to him he started YELLING that I was hurting him. (I was not.) I really can not adequately describe it but I felt like the worst mother in the world. Like I had the worst child in the world. What an awful feeling.
Later at home I was crying again. (Lucas didn't see my tears on the drive home.) And he came over to give me the biggest hug. He opened the living room window (with some help) so that "the birdies can sing you a song and make you happy." He brought me his most favorite cars to cheer me up. He was his wonderful, amazing, kind and loving self.
Later that night, after his bath, he sat on my lap and I cuddled with him. I apologized for yelling at him and told him how much I love him. He said, "I forgive you, Mama. I love you, too."
I wouldn't change Lucas for anything in the world. But sometimes it is just so, so hard.
Original post by Smiling Mama. Thanks for reading!